know about me.

Monday, June 25, 2012

My Love, 7:34 PM

I am not writing on a post of kesyukuran nor a post of how i have been. But i am writing on a sadness that i hope Allah would help this heart to heal.

Him,a name that is stated in the Quran after sura Al- Baqarah. A name that has craved deep in me. In silent, i have memorised what the surah is about and also beccause that name belong to a guy whom i love, appreciate in my life.

If i could change what has happen, i would. If i could cut my heart and shows you that i love him, i would. If i was given a chance to even brave through the toughest phase of your life, i would not run away. I will stay. i will hold you. i would tell you everything is ok. Cause i love you.

Today, i came to know the real reason why you said you wanted a seperataion from me. I teared not due to disappointment but due to syukur. Cause somehow u wanted a separation from me due to the fact that you have felt that you have treated me bad. Not because i have won in this fight, but because its is a confirm that you are still the man i have looked upon to. It just that somehow things have went wrong for a while.

When i dated you , it was not just a date of love. It was a date of where i could see you could lead me. You could bring the Salihah in me. You could bring me to jannah. To guide me through the lives. And i know, you are not perfect yourself. I know i myself have made you angry and stress. But believe me, when you were away at Zambia, i find a cretain kind of "connection" between me, you and Allah.

You wanna break up from me cause you felt you are afar from Him. Wouldnt it be my turn to help you. To give you the light? If you have planned to make me as your wife, wouldnt this be my responsibilty to? Wouldnt i want to bring you to Jannah? I know you are scared to drag me in. But have you not believe in your teaching that have you imparted in me? InsyaAllah, this time round, Allah would help as both of us are looking for HIS berkat.

Even a black heart, with lots of love and patience will eventually changed. even the most wrong person, who came running back to HIM, will be opened the door of mercy.

Sayang, even before i say yes to you 11 months back, i have made a promise. I would make you as my one and only. I would want to share everything with you. But to ask me to leave you, i would not able to do so. Please let me your gurdain. Please let me help you. Please let me continue to love and hold on to you.

I promised, i would not hurt your pride, i would not shout and i would not belittle you while im helping you. I would be the best for you. I would be patience and i would pujok you instead of reprimand. I have forgiven you baby. I have noone else in my heart, but you. i promise i be the strong one. Please baby. I can do this.

"I cant predict what will happen to our nasib for tmr, next week, next month, next year or even 10 yrs to come. But i have promised ,yself that if i became your wife one day, i would love you, made you as my companion always, be faithful and be your supporter. I would love and sacrifice my dreams for our family to be happy according to your wishes. I would keep you satisfied. I would still bed with you though we are old and only left two teeth. I so wanna be a good wife to you. I have been in love with you for so many years.And i know its worthwhile. You are a nice man. I am willing to go thru thick and thin with you.

It has been my dream, my hope and the reason for my living.. That you would be the man that brings me to Jannah. And for me to be your angel in akhirat. Cause i really do love you."

And i know you have this feeling cause you too love Allah. Pls. Let us unite in helping and guiding each other in His path.

Ya Allah, give me a chance. To guide him. And us.

For HIM i returned to. For Him i seek the blessing and help.

Ya Allah, give me yr rahmat. Give me your love.
Guide me. dont let me live in regret.
Amin.