public nuisance.
my life is filled with love
my circumstances makes me matured
my family makes me strong
my friends make me learn

confession from public nuisance.
i created my own path according to my wish
i make a shit of life according to my emotions
i pick myself up according to my strength
i matured according to my experiences
public nuisance
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Friday, December 21, 2012
Allah, give me the strengths 5:36 PM
Ya Allah,

I am truthfully scared Allah.... You have given me the greatest worry in my life with me currently holding a few heavy responsibility in my life. I can feel that i am not ready to face this. I don't even know if i have that amount of energy to go through each time.

Ya Allah,

I am scared. I feel like crying each time thinking about this. I really unable to even see myself pulling through this dugaan. I know Allah, that you are giving me the best. And therefore i do hope that you could give me the best of strengths and faith. Ya Allah, i am scared to leave behind my family and my first good friend, Azmira.

Ya Allah,

Even if this is just temporary, make me redha and see the beauty of it. Ya Allah, i am really sad. I am so sad that i cant even cry anymore. I cant even lean on one shoulder to show that i need comfort. I really dont even know what should be done. I feel super alone.

Ya Allah,

I know that everytime you test your slaves, it a sign that you love them and wanna erase their sins. I don't know Allah, what to wish. I really don't know. All i know that i am at my weakest point but again i know that you wont test me beyond my capabilities.

Ya Allah,

If one day you were to take me away, please please take me when im at Your closest. And please just one request, makbulkan all the doa's made the poeple i love. Give them Your blessing and taufiq and hidayah.  I wish that somehow i am healthy. But at the same time, i am grateful for this.

Thank you Allah.

Regards,
Alia
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
The pain 5:34 PM
               Allah, i miss you so much. and i reall miss YOU. do u still wanna be with me?
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
What Allah has shown me 1:16 PM

Ya Allah, somehow today, i feel more at eased. I know deep down YOU are there for me. I have cried for days on my seperation with Imran. That i have seek and turn to You to help and heal this heart. I know it is not easy Ya Allah. But i know, You would guide me and fill my heart with Your love.

What I have learnt from this relationship is that at how beautiful a love can be. I have to admit that when I  agreed in taking Imran as my someone special, I have seen him as someone whom can guide me and not be my poison. It is true at that point, we may not have honeymoon period but somehow we still hold on strong with one another, with him guiding me. But when the relationship has changed to become something more of nafsu, things started to change. And Allah, has taken him away from me. But what i felt was that Allah is trying to save us from doing more harm to ourselves and at the same time saving us from the hell fire.  I know deep down, it is due to Allah love, that we got seperated. And InsyaAllah, only through taubat, we may end up together but if only Allah permits.

I know that a relationship could work and be more berkat if we did follow His larangan. We would be more taken care of and be more berkat. But i and imran has done mistakes and it is of noone fault that we broken up. I just hope that imran would come back to me and be my lawful husband. Somehow i didnt not dream of anyone else but Allah still knows the best.

Ya Allah, thank you for all the love You have given me. You have made me really strong in handling this. You have granted me with people who is willing to help me to pull through this episode of my life. With the doas from everyone, insyaAllah, i would be stronger and thus one day, able to forget the pain and the memory of me and him if we arent fated together.

Allah knows what is in your heart. Allah is there. Allahu Akhbar.

Ya Allah, you have never given up on me. And i would never give up in praying to you seeking for forgiveness and seeking for a better life.  Ya Allah, I miss You. Trully Nabi Muhammad is so fortunate to be your kekasih. Cause even me, a horrendous ummah, could feel the warmth and the feeling of happiness when i know and believe You are there, how about my Rasul?

Thank you Ya Allah, for allowing me to be one of your ummah and for giving me love and happiness. May You always watches over me.






For HIM i returned to. For Him i seek the blessing and help.
Ya Allah, give me yr rahmat. Give me your love.
Guide me. dont let me live in regret.
Amin.




Thursday, June 28, 2012
Ya Allah 2:41 PM

Allah, my heart hurts. Allah, i need you. Allah, i need your mercy. Allah, i need your love. Allah, i need you to guide me. Allah, i miss u. Ya Allah, im so in pain. I feel so hurt ya Allah. How am i suppose to overcome this ya Allah? The pain is unbearable.  I wants him so much ya Allah. but I know that there so much i can do.

Iman tak dapat diwarisi. Tak dapat dijual beli. Ya Allah, give me the iman to hold on to my emotions. Ya Allah, give me the iman to be strong in overcoming this. Ya Allah, make me still aware if i were to happen to aib imran and not be blinded by my anger or emotions.

Ya Allah, make this as a turning point for me. And Alhamdulilah, for all the dugaan you have given me. I still appreciate it and bersyukur with it. Caiuse at the end of the day, it has make me wiser. Ya Allah, i know you have choosen the best man for me. And i know this man will come to me one day. Be it imran or not. I will wait. And i hope this time round it will be through the islamic ways. i just wanna your berkat. Have done mistakes in this relationship, but insyaAllah both me and imran would grow up.

Ya Allah, terimalah taubat kami. Ya Allah, terimalah kami balik di jalan yang diredhaimu. Ya Allah, biarlah dugaan ini menjadi pengajaran. Ya Allah, biarlah hati imran dan aku berjadi lembut for us to forgive each other.

I have always missed you Allah. I have missed my Rasul too. Will You give me Your shafaat to me in akhirat? Would i able to see RasulluAllah even for a glance?

A note to myself:

"Dont let the love of a human be more than your love for Allah and rasul. Dont let your heart be blinded by a failure of love. Wouldnt it better to work hard in getting more Allah love? Isnt that what makes it stays and true?"

Ya Allah, i wanna get married. Please let me ovecome this. Let my love be for the most right man and for a guy whom i officiially called husband.


For HIM i returned to. For Him i seek the blessing and help.
Ya Allah, give me yr rahmat. Give me your love.
Guide me. dont let me live in regret.
Amin.



Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Sadness 12:23 PM
Ya Allah, if this has been your plan to make me a stronger person, then please give me the strength. I am so hurt ya Allah. With him. I do not wish to be a gurl who seem so "desperate" but i have never felt the importance of this.

"Ya Allah, you have given me him Ya Allah. I am glad for the beautiful 11 months that i have with him. But yA Allah, if this man is not right for me, give me the strength to ikhlaskan everything and moved on. I trully love him and i have build my dreams upon him for my future."

I need you Imran bin Mohamed Basir. I need you so much that i feel like i am the one who cant live without you But whatever the situation is, I know Allah knows the best for us.

Baby, i have thousand and one stuff of plans. Of my future.  Please come back. 

But my mother have given me a very important advise " Jangan cintakan seseorang luar daripade cinta kiter pade takdir Allah"

After him, i would not want to date anymore. I wanna go through the islamic way of marriage. I now understand why Allah say no to open dating. Cause it hurts if it do not turn out well.

"Cinta kiter pade manusia tidak kekal dan abadi, melainkan cinte kiter pade Allah."




For HIM i returned to. For Him i seek the blessing and help.
Ya Allah, give me yr rahmat. Give me your love.
Guide me. dont let me live in regret.
Amin.



Monday, June 25, 2012
My Love, 7:34 PM
I am not writing on a post of kesyukuran nor a post of how i have been. But i am writing on a sadness that i hope Allah would help this heart to heal.

Him,a name that is stated in the Quran after sura Al- Baqarah. A name that has craved deep in me. In silent, i have memorised what the surah is about and also beccause that name belong to a guy whom i love, appreciate in my life.

If i could change what has happen, i would. If i could cut my heart and shows you that i love him, i would. If i was given a chance to even brave through the toughest phase of your life, i would not run away. I will stay. i will hold you. i would tell you everything is ok. Cause i love you.

Today, i came to know the real reason why you said you wanted a seperataion from me. I teared not due to disappointment but due to syukur. Cause somehow u wanted a separation from me due to the fact that you have felt that you have treated me bad. Not because i have won in this fight, but because its is a confirm that you are still the man i have looked upon to. It just that somehow things have went wrong for a while.

When i dated you , it was not just a date of love. It was a date of where i could see you could lead me. You could bring the Salihah in me. You could bring me to jannah. To guide me through the lives. And i know, you are not perfect yourself. I know i myself have made you angry and stress. But believe me, when you were away at Zambia, i find a cretain kind of "connection" between me, you and Allah.

You wanna break up from me cause you felt you are afar from Him. Wouldnt it be my turn to help you. To give you the light? If you have planned to make me as your wife, wouldnt this be my responsibilty to? Wouldnt i want to bring you to Jannah? I know you are scared to drag me in. But have you not believe in your teaching that have you imparted in me? InsyaAllah, this time round, Allah would help as both of us are looking for HIS berkat.

Even a black heart, with lots of love and patience will eventually changed. even the most wrong person, who came running back to HIM, will be opened the door of mercy.

Sayang, even before i say yes to you 11 months back, i have made a promise. I would make you as my one and only. I would want to share everything with you. But to ask me to leave you, i would not able to do so. Please let me your gurdain. Please let me help you. Please let me continue to love and hold on to you.

I promised, i would not hurt your pride, i would not shout and i would not belittle you while im helping you. I would be the best for you. I would be patience and i would pujok you instead of reprimand. I have forgiven you baby. I have noone else in my heart, but you. i promise i be the strong one. Please baby. I can do this.

"I cant predict what will happen to our nasib for tmr, next week, next month, next year or even 10 yrs to come. But i have promised ,yself that if i became your wife one day, i would love you, made you as my companion always, be faithful and be your supporter. I would love and sacrifice my dreams for our family to be happy according to your wishes. I would keep you satisfied. I would still  bed with you though we are old and only left two teeth. I so wanna be a good wife to you. I have been in love with you for so many years.And i know its worthwhile. You are a nice man. I am willing to go thru thick and thin with you. 
It has been my dream, my hope and the reason for my living.. That you would be the man that brings me to Jannah. And for me to be your angel in akhirat. Cause i really do love you."

And i know you have this feeling cause you too love Allah. Pls. Let us unite in helping and guiding each other in His path. 

Ya Allah, give me a chance. To guide him. And us.




For HIM i returned to. For Him i seek the blessing and help.

Ya Allah, give me yr rahmat. Give me your love.
Guide me. dont let me live in regret.
Amin.

Thursday, June 21, 2012
My syukur + my missing for RasulluaAllah 3:26 PM


Alhamdulilah. Praises to Allah. He have answered my prayers. A prayer of helpless child towards a courageous and beautiful mother. When the dr said that she might be suspect of blood cancer, my heart really drop. But only yesterday, 20.June.2012 the dr have said that she is fine and cleared of all major diseases.

 She is my source of pilliar. My soure of happiness and motivator. And she is the one who teaches me the beautiful religion called Islam. She would patiently encourage me to learn Islam and also to perform my prayers. She is the best lady ever. Ever. Ya Allah, for me, her place is definately jannah. She too kind to be in the hell fire. She went through alot in bringing us up. She has brave up to all the humiliation that the community have said about her. And she teaches her three daughters to obey to your command and also to actually be an Islam ambassador.

I have never known what is internal peace. I have never known what is to proudly say my shahadah. I now realise why RasulluAllah and his sahabat would die for Islam. When you learn the truth about Islam, you would die defending the purity of it. You wake up in pursuit of getting Allah blessing and rahmat. I miss Allah and Rasul. I am ashamed to meet them as i have dirtied myself with sins in akhirat. Ya Allah, please let me see RasulluAllah in my dream. Let me see how beautiful this man is. How lucky he is to be under your guidnace. but i know i am not pious. When i am alone, i cried. Cried cause not all muslims defending the religion like the way he did. I cried seeing his efforts are not practiced. And i  promise to love, to be reminded of you effort in spreading Islam. Ya Allah, help me to be a good muslim. To have your redha.

I miss you ya Muhammad Saw. I wished i did borned in your era. To fight side by side with you. To live and die for you. To be labelled of "mati shahid". To see your calm face. To even imiatate and follow your character. Thank you for bringing Islam in this world. Thank you.  


 


For HIM i returned to. For Him i seek the blessing and help.
Ya Allah, give me yr rahmat. Give me your love.
Guide me. dont let me live in regret.
Amin.